Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's top comedians spent their evening criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program that allows international citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. An official portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The best vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.